Revealing what happened to the baby, a gruesome tale
Today's Adventure in the Biz opp Jungle:
'In which Charlie relates the story of
the birth of his first child, and reveals
a change at the Biz Opp Jungle'.
Hi,
Well, that was traumatic.
After two frustrating weeks waiting for our baby
to arrive (had she never heard of a "due date"?)
we went to the hospital to get induced.
Now I've never been sure about the benefits of
medical intervention. I prefer to let things run
their course.
This was a bit like kicking Mother Nature in the
shins to get a reaction.
And as expected, Nature went mental.
My wife went through 20 hours screaming bloody
labour, two failed epidurals, enough bodily fluids
to float a small cross-channel ferry, and enough
drugs to kill Keith Richards.
My job was to operate the TENS machine, supply
water, and say things like "You're doing really
well," when I really meant to say, "Thank crikey
I'm a man."
And at the end of all this palaver, we were
nowhere closer to giving birth.
Lots of pain, and no gain.
According to a frantic Eastern European doctor
who came barrelling in at the 11th hour, looking
like she'd swallowed a colostomy bag full of
cocaine, the only reasonable option was to have a
c-section.
At this point, your faithful biz opp reviewer was
handed the most enormous pair of blue trousers.
"Put these on".
I tried to do them up as tight as I could. No joy.
They were like clown's trousers. They were
hanging off my backside as I put on the blue gown
and shuffled into the operating theatre after my
screaming wife.
They also gave me something to cover my hair.
Tiny and flimsy, it looked like the front of a ladies'
bikini. When I put it on it sat like a Christmas hat
on top of my unkempt curly hair.
Even though I now looked like an escaped lunatic,
I sat by my wife and tried to comfort her.
And then it began...
While hands were scrubbed, the anaesthetist
fired a bunch of weird questions at us like:
"Do you have any loose teeth?"
"No," I said.
"I mean your wife," said the anaesthetist.
The surgical team got tooled up with scissors,
scalpels, prongs and a weird blood-sucking
Hoover machine. In the corner of the room a
radio blared out classic hits.
It was like taking the wife to the local garage to
get her oil changed.
Half an hour later, at 1am on the 26th November,
Isis Melody was born, weighing 6lb and 14oz, and
I finally breathed a sigh of relief.
The good news is, everybody's healthy... except
for Yours Truly, who has post-traumatic stress
disorder... AND biz opp withdrawal symptoms.
The sad truth about me
Yes, it's sad but true. After about a week of
paternity leave I started getting twitchy. I started
making excuses to go on the internet.
"I'm just going to order some baby grows!" I'd
say, slipping into my office.
Yeah right! I was checking up on all my various
newsletters, information sources and websites! I
managed to order a couple of products for trials.
Thing is, you can never really take a break from a
home business. I've been helping an importer sell
pain relief gadgets in the newspapers through
classified ads. So I HAD to check how that was
going.
And then I had to find out if a sales promotion I'd
written for a new diet supplement was going...
oh, and I'd been helping someone edit a money-
saving manual to sell on the internet... so I HAD to
check on that too.
All in all, it's been difficult to stay away.
I'll admit it, I'm a home biz junkie. Then again, it's
my life and career. It's what helps me avoid the 9-
5. And if I didn't love it, what would be the point?
But I'm officially back now. I will be checking the
Biz Opp Jungle inbox again and reviewing as much
stuff as I can get my hands on.
I'll also resume the normal twice-weekly
newsletter service.
You'll also find everything updated on the website
too. Click here:
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Plus...
A new face in the jungle
Since I've been away on paternity, there has been
a change you should know about...
As my veteran Biz Opp Junglers know, my wife
Emily used to help me do all the technical stuff.
She created and helped run the website and also
broadcast my emails for me.
Obviously, Emily is now looking after a baby full
time.
But I want to make sure I have as much time to
concentrate on the Biz Opp Jungle as I ever did in
the past. So I've enlisted the help of an old friend,
Helen. She's an organisational dynamo! The
perfect antidote to my hapless, scatter-brained
self!
I've got some great stuff to tell you about this
week, so look out for my emails in your inbox.
And thanks for your patience during this very
weird time.
Later alligator
Charlie Wright
The Biz Opp Jungle
www.bizoppjungle.com