At last, I’m back with news
Today’s Adventure in the Biz Opp Jungle:
‘In which Charlie returns with news of his second child’
Hi
My firstborn, Isis Melody, was 11 days overdue... and needed to be induced to come out...
My second child trumped that record easily.
It was a whole 12 days after the due date that she finally appeared... and it took a caesarean section to get her out. She was so unwilling to leave the womb, she was virtually clinging to my wife’s ribcage with her fingertips... the operating team had to use forceps and shout “PULL” as they hauled her out like a stubborn turnip.
Despite the lateness she was still only 6 pounds in weight. What on earth was she DOING in there all that time?
Anyway, better late than never. Which means I can proudly announce that Venus Johanna was born on the 29th January.
My wife, Emily, is recovering from the c-section and getting to grips with 24-hour feeding. So for the past couple of weeks I’ve been a full-time ‘stay at home’ Dad looking after Isis from when she wakes at 6am til she’s in bed at 7pm. At only 14 months old, she’s particularly upset about being usurped by a new baby, so she’s doing a lot of throwing herself at the floor in despair.
I’ve also retained my previous roles of cook and dog-walker. To be frank, it’s been a nightmare. Full-time nurturing is not my thing. I’m used to spending my days writing, thinking, working.
There were times when I felt like an evil imposter. Last week you’d have been amused to see me at the Hackney Salvation Army playgroup, surrounded by toddlers. My principle thought was “I wonder if they serve booze here?”
You know those redemptive 1980s comedies where some wayward, selfish, work-obsessed bloke gets lumbered with a kid? After getting into a series of hilarious “fish out of water” scrapes, they become a better person at the end...
Well, that’s me. Except I’ve not mellowed one iota.
As I chucked steaming nappies into bins and read The Hungry Caterpillar for the umpteenth time, all I could think of was getting back on my computer to answer emails, check out biz opps, do some digging, follow up on leads, and get on with my projects....
Terrible, I know, call me selfish. Call me obsessed. But I realised I’m addicted. I used to think I’d love to make enough money to retire like those blokes with the posh cars in the mailshots.
But to be honest, I really enjoy selling books, writing newsletters and investigating business opportunities. I don’t know what I’d do without my mission in life.
So there you go – I’ve DISCOVERED something about myself. Perhaps I AM in a 1980s comedy.
At last, things have settled down enough for me to get back to the Jungle and all my other home business projects... including the mighty Project X, which I’ve been desperate to crack on with, amidst the wailing and screaming (and that’s just ME).
Finally, one more quick thing to mention today...
If you’ve sent me an email since I went on my paternity break, you won’t have heard back from me. Apologies for this. I decided to close shop entirely for the duration, otherwise my brain would have melted. To make things worse, I was victim to a serious spammage attack while on holiday, so I’ve deleted a large chunk of my inbox.
Any emails sent from today will be gladly answered, however.
I’ve been uncharacteristically brief today. But I’ll be back very soon with a more substantial issue of The Biz Opp Jungle.
Later alligator
Charlie Wright
Adventures in the Biz Opp Jungle